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July 13th, 2009
05:08 pm - The Way God Leads
One of the more interesting Biblical passages about discerning God's will is John 7:1-10. In that passage, Jesus was adamant about not going up to Jerusalem with his brothers for the Feast. However, as soon as they left, Jesus did go up to the Feast. It seems as if it wasn't God's will for Jesus to go to Jerusalem one day, but very soon after it became God's will for Him to go.
When I was interviewing at Wal-Mart, John 7 kept coming to my mind all day. I almost felt like God was telling me that He was leading me one direction at that moment, but in just a few days He would have a new direction.
I now have a potential new direction that I need prayer about. I just got a call for an interview for a night-time government job as a Computer Operator for Print and Mail. I applied for that job a month and a half ago, and apparently I am one of the finalists out of 275 applicants! I'm going in for an interview at 8:30 on Wednesday.
Please pray for God's guidance about this job. I'm supposed to begin work at Wal-Mart next Monday, and I need clear direction. The government job pays better and has better benefits. If I don't get the government job, I'll know that God wants me to work at Wal-Mart.
One thing I've learned about God is that we often don't discern His will or see His hand until the very last minute. He wants us to maintain faith in the waiting period. I look forward to seeing how this all plays out, and I praise the Lord for His provision regardless of what happens.
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07:30 am - Colic
We have determined that we have a colicky baby. Hannah gets a lot of gas and pain in her abdomen, which she grunts and complains about. Kristina was a very colicky baby, and she had to be moving constantly to keep her from crying. For the first four months, she would literally cry every time that her parents laid her down. Thankfully, Hannah isn't that bad, but feedings can last a couple hours as we have to burp and comfort her for a long time.
We have two friends who both reduced the colic in their babies by eliminating dairy from their diets. Of course, since Kristina is allergic to milk, there is no dairy to eliminate. We did read about a way to hold Hannah while burping her that helps her feel better. Also, when Kristina was a colicky baby, she enjoyed being in an electronic swing. We tried the same thing for Hannah, and she does usually enjoy it.
Last night Hannah surprised us by sleeping for a five hour stretch from 9pm to 2am. Hopefully she will decide to keep this up!
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July 12th, 2009
06:56 pm - Photos
Thanks to everyone who gave me suggestions on where to post photos. Since I use Picasa to manage all of my photos, I thought it would be easiest to upload to Picasa Web Albums. You can view the first pictures and video of Hannah at http://picasaweb.google.com/wakeman7. I'll let you know when I post new photos.
When I was reviewing different photo websites, I was amazed at all of the neat projects and gifts you can order with your photos. I was particularly impressed by the elaborate photo albums you can create using Shutterfly, which they will print for you in a hard bound book. Creating albums online sounds much more attractive than spending long hours piecing them together by hand.
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July 10th, 2009
10:20 am - More Blessings
I got my laptop back yesterday, and by God's surprising grace, I didn't have to pay anything! That was amazing to me, since I was totally honest about the fact that I dropped the computer, and I knew that accidental handling wasn't covered in my warranty. They actually replaced the motherboard, which makes this the second time in the past six months that I've received a new motherboard for free. This is also the second time that I received my computer back with the hard drive still in tact, which is another great blessing.
We are getting our last meals this weekend, which ends 3 full weeks of meals. We were just expecting a bunch of spaghetti, but we ended up with three weeks of amazing gourmet meals. Some people have even given us extra gifts, like a gift card or diapers. I'm so humbled by everyone's generosity.
Now that I have my computer back I'll work on sharing more photos. I've used Photobucket for years, but I'm wondering if there might be a better photo-sharing website out there. I've seen other people use Flickr, Snapfish, and Shutterfly. I'd like a place where I can also post videos, and which will be easy for family and friends to access on a weekly basis. Any recommendations?
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July 9th, 2009
10:01 am - Orientation
Yesterday I had a 7-hour orientation with Wal-Mart. I must say that it was pretty interesting learning about the history of the company and how they have grown into the world's largest retailer. We briefly got to see the new store, which is still under construction. I think it will be fun completely stocking a Wal-Mart Supercenter from the ground up. We have five weeks to get the store ready before the grand opening. I don't have my schedule yet, but I'll probably begin Monday.
They talked about the fact that many people protested the opening of this new Wal-Mart, which I know is a common story. They said that they did reach out to the smaller stores in the area and even offered jobs to some of them in the new store, but I doubt that appeased anyone. Wal-Mart feels like they are good for the community because they created 400 jobs in the bad economy and will be giving back tens of thousands of dollars to the immediate community. It will be interesting to see if there are any protests around the store's opening.
I was actually fairly impressed by Wal-Mart's benefits. It looks like we can get good health insurance for our whole family for under $200. I was hoping the waiting period would only be 3 months, but it will actually be 6. Still, my initial impression is that Wal-Mart takes care of their employees pretty well.
It's nice to be back out in the real world. I'm already building some good relationships with my fellow co-workers, and I can see that some of them are facing a lot of pain and hardships. One of my desires for this job is to be a witness to those I work with.
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July 8th, 2009
08:28 am - 2 Weeks
Hannah had her two week check-up yesterday, and she is doing great. She is up to 6 lbs 12 oz, a full pound over her birth weight. They only expect babies to gain one pound per month, so she has been eating well. We can already tell that she is fattening up. Even so, she is only in the 15th percentile for weight (up from 5% after she was born).
We're noticing that Hannah tends to sleep better during the day than during the night, so we are going to work on getting her schedule flipped around by feeding her more during the day. We've read that babies have different feeding styles, and we think that Hannah is a Napper. She will suck for a couple minutes and then fall right back to sleep! It's not easy to wake up a sleeping baby. Sometimes she won't even wake up when we put a cold washcloth on her skin. Still, all things considering, breastfeeding is going well. Kristina is blessed to have a lot of milk, and she has already pumped and frozen a bunch of it. When I'm home, I help Hannah get her mouth open wide so that she can latch on correctly.
I talked to Hannah while she was in the womb so that she could recognize my voice when she came out. At first I couldn't tell if she knew my voice, but now she definitely responds to it. She seems to enjoy listening to my voice. Hannah definitely doesn't like sitting in a soiled diaper. She had her first bath on Sunday, which she didn't enjoy at all. This Saturday she will go to church for the first time, as we are going to a wedding. I no longer feel overwhelmed at all, and even after just two weeks, I would never want to go back to not having a child. She brings so much joy and laughter into our lives.
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July 7th, 2009
07:50 am - God's Provision
Last Friday I was hired on full-time at a new Wal-Mart that is opening up in August. I will be on 2nd shift (4PM - 1AM) doing stocking. It was a blessing to get a full-time position, as all through the hiring process they told me that they only had part-time positions remaining. During my third interview with the main manager, he said that one of the guys they had hired on full-time had dropped out, so there was one position left that I could take. This is actually the first full-time job I've ever had, so I'm excited about that. I think I'll enjoy doing stocking, as it's not likely to be as brain-intensive as other jobs I've done while in school. It is also the perfect shift for me, since it works with my school schedule and will allow Kristina to have a car during the day. Who knows, I may even be able to transfer to other Wal-Marts across the country, as we are likely to be moving around a good bit in the future.
It's a little ironic that I would get hired at Wal-Mart. I've applied for 30 other jobs, and almost all of those are in administration. So, this is a big departure from what I was aiming to get. The administrative jobs pay better, which is why I was aiming for them first. For one position I was narrowed to one of the top 2 or 3 candidates out of 20, but I didn't make the cut. I have the skills, but not necessarily all of the real-life experience employers are looking for, especially when they have so many applicants to choose from in this economy. I still have a bunch of active applications I may keep out there for a little bit, but I'll probably stick with Wal-Mart once I get started there, which should be next week.
Even though the pay is less, I was realizing the other day that I've been wrongly assuming that God's provision would only come through the wage I was making. In reality, God's provision has come through many different means. He has provided such abundant baby gifts, we've been overwhelmed and even stunned by everyone's generosity. He has provided for us by giving us very low living expenses. He has provided by allowing us to remain totally debt free through school. He provided a job for Kristina the past two and a half years that paid far more than we ever expected, which has allowed us to increase our savings. I could go on and on about all of God's provisions. I think God receives more glory when He provides through many different means. If He only provided through my job, then it would be easier for me to think that I was the one providing for my family.
Plus, God has given me an incredible wife, a beautiful baby girl, salvation in Christ, and wonderful friends and family. What more could I ask for in life?
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June 30th, 2009
04:55 pm - First Week
Sorry for the lack of photos of Hannah. I dropped and broke my computer while we were in the hospital, so it has been difficult to get online a lot. I'll post more when I have a chance.
The first week with Hannah has been full of joy, sleep loss, and daily answers to prayer. The joy of having a daughter makes up for the sleep loss, and it's awesome seeing God's hand at work. It seems like we see more answered prayers when we're in a position when we really sense a need for Him.
I already mentioned that God answered a prayer by prompting our midwife friend to come over and check the baby so that we didn't end up in the hospital too soon. A couple days ago Kristina was really struggling with breastfeeding, and she prayed with a neighbor about the struggle, and literally five minutes later that same midwife knocked on the door and spent the next hour helping Kristina with nursing! Kristina has actually received help with breastfeeding several times in direct answer to prayer, and I'm so proud of her for the way she has persevered. It's really starting to pay off, as Hannah is eating very well and gaining weight rapidly. We also prayed about buying a breast pump, and not a couple hours later, that same midwife called and offered to bring over a breast pump to borrow! A missionary friend will be giving us a free breast pump permanently when she moves overseas. I just can't believe how God has used that midwife these three times, especially since she isn't even a close friend!
Hannah had jaundice, and by the time of her first pediatrician visit on Friday, she was down to 5 lbs 3 oz. The doctor was worried about her, so besides using blue-light photo therapy, they had us supplement her diet with formula for a couple days. Of course we were scared for her, but we prayed, and by Monday Hannah had gained 11 oz and was able to stop the light therapy!
It is such a blessing to be at home to help with Hannah and bond with her. I know I'll never regret having this time, even if my job search lasts awhile longer. Kristina loves being home and she loves being a mother. I wasn't sure how I would react to constant crying and changing diapers and being up at night, but I don't mind any of it (as long as I get some sleep :) It's a privilege to be able to serve my daughter and wife.
My most overwhelming moment came right when we got home from the hospital. I actually cried from all the responsibilities surrounding being a new parent. It turned into a powerful spiritual moment, as I caught a glimpse of God the Father's heart. I realized that I would always love Hannah regardless of what she did or didn't do. I cried because I know that God's heart is the same toward me, and yet I've spent so many years trying to earn His love. I also cried over the fact that I've spent so much of my life trying to be someone that I'm not. I would hate to see Hannah try to be someone that God didn't design her to be, so it must also break God's heart when I try to be someone I'm not. Just as getting married has taught me so much about Jesus the Bridegroom, I can tell that being a parent will teach me so much about God the Father.
The whole pregnancy and birthing experience has been nothing but a miracle. Little babies powerfully reflect the glory of God. Anytime we're out, I look around and see everybody around us enjoying the wonder of this cute little girl. People stand in awe of this little baby because our hearts are made to be in awe of our amazing Creator. I pray that I will never lose that sense of awe and wonder over what our God has done.
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June 27th, 2009
06:06 pm - Birth Story
I am excited to announce the birth of Hannah Grace Wakeman on June 23 at 4:43am. She weighed in at 5 lbs 12 oz and measured 19 in long. Thank you for your prayers--all of them were answered, and the birth experience was perfect.
Kristina was experiencing contractions off and on for two weeks leading up to the birth. However, we didn't realize until after the birth that the pain she was experiencing actually was contractions. We expected the pain from contractions to be in her upper uterus, but she never experienced pain there. Instead, all of her pain was in her lower uterus, back, and upper legs.
On Monday we decided that Kristina would cut back to part-time hours at work. I was happy with her quitting work altogether, but she enjoyed working up to the birth, as it kept her mind occupied. However, I insisted on driving her on Monday morning. Around 11:15 that morning, I received a phone call from Kristina that her water had broken. This is a bit unusual, as only 15% of women will have their membranes ruptured before they go into labor. Conveniently, Kristina's water broke in the bathroom, but she had several other major gushes in the hours ahead.
Of course, once Kristina's water broke, everyone in the office was frantic about getting her to the hospital as quickly as possible. Probably the only ones who were not frantic were Kristina and me. We did a great deal of research and reading about labor, and we learned that there was no reason to go to the hospital right away. We knew that the baby was almost full-term, that she was head down, and that the fluid was clear (hence no meconium). Thus, there was no immediate danger. Doctors warn about infection if the membranes rupture, but as long as you don't stick anything up there, infection is very uncommon. In fact, you are more likely to get infected by the doctor inspecting you in the hospital than anything else!
If we went to the hospital, it was almost certain that they would decide to induce Kristina, since she wasn't having any contractions. The problem with inducing labor is that it often causes very painful labor, and the likelihood of a c-section increases. American doctors usually will not wait past 12 hours for contractions to start after the membranes are ruptured. Other places around the world recognize the fact that there is little danger and will allow 72 hours. The majority of women naturally go into labor within 24 to 48 hours after the water breaks. Thus, we made an informed decision to wait at home and see if labor started naturally.
Five hours later, Kristina still wasn't having any contractions. We were praying that God would clearly show us when we should go to the hospital. Up to that point we had total peace, but we started worrying around six hours into it. Even though we were okay with staying home from a logical standpoint, our emotions stopped agreeing with our logic. We decided to call the doctor. However, just a couple minutes later we received a phone call from one of our neighbors, who offered to call one of our midwife friends to come check the baby. That call came as God's perfect timing to prevent us from going to the hospital too soon.
It was absolutely reassuring to have a midwife come check on Kristina. She was able to use a doppler to hear the baby's heartbeat, which was totally normal. She explained that our bodies often work in rhythms. Since Kristina had been experiencing contractions during the night for the past couple weeks, it was likely that she would go into labor during the night. If she didn't, then Kristina could take castor oil in the morning as a natural means of inducing labor. After seeing the midwife, we had total peace again.
We went to bed at 10:00, and sure enough, Kristina's contractions started immediately. We did a lot of preparation leading up to labor, which included me learning The Bradley Method, which is a way for husbands to coach their wives through labor. During every contraction, I reminded Kristina to breath slow and steady, and helped her relax every part of her body by naming them from head to toe. I also helped her to mentally imagine the baby coming down the birth canal, and to imagine herself floating over waves. (Imagining waves worked particularly well.) The key to getting through a contraction is to stay totally relaxed and just allow your body to do all of the work for you. When you tense up with the pain, it becomes unbearable. When you concentrate on relaxing, some women actually describe their contractions as being painless. I also watched for emotional signposts in Kristina, which help determine which part of labor she is in. Almost all women go through a happy/mellow stage, then a serious get-down-to-business stage, and finally a self-doubting I-can't-do-it-anymore stage before they start pushing. In the end, Kristina said that she only experienced excruciating pain during the self-doubt phase.
We had learned that we shouldn't go to the hospital until Kristina's contractions were at least 1 minute long, 2 to 3 minutes apart, and she was already well into the serious emotional stage. For almost the first two hours, I timed most of her contractions at 1 minute long and 5 minutes apart. Since it was night, Kristina was actually able to sleep in between every contraction, which was wonderful. By midnight, the contractions were increasing to 1:20, but were then 6 minutes apart, so I figured we needed more time. Kristina started walking around, and she held onto me during each contraction while I coached her. Taking a warm shower also helped her a lot. I started losing track of the contractions with all of the movement, but I did end up timing one that was only a couple minutes apart. Then she almost seemed to have a 10 minute long contraction. At that point I called the hospital and they told us to come in.
Kristina did great in the car--it almost seemed to me that her contractions had stopped. (They do often temporarily stop while you're unsettled on the way to the hospital.) When we got there, they checked Kristina and found out that she was already 8 cm dilated! That was the most joyful news we could have heard. We had no idea that she was that far along. At it turns out, Kristina went through the self-doubt phase at home (probably during that 10-minute contraction), but I didn't realize it because she wasn't communicating. She was putting all of her energy into concentrating on staying calm through the contractions, so I didn't realize that she had moved so far along. The funny thing is, as we were leaving home, Kristina felt like she really needed to go the bathroom, as if she was constipated. As it turns out, that's the sensation that you get when you are ready to push the baby out! We arrived at the hospital around 2:45 am, just in time to push.
Obviously the nurses weren't happy when they learned that Kristina's water had broken over 15 hours earlier. We were just innocent about the whole matter, as there was no use arguing. Kristina was totally adamant about not getting any pain medication or intervention. The nurses worked frantically to get Kristina's room ready, and she was able to push out our daughter in somewhere around 45 minutes to an hour. Kristina said that it actually felt good to be pushing out the baby. As we learned in the Bradley Method, during the entire pushing stage Kristina used a squatting position (either a full squat or a sitting squat), as that is the position that most naturally allows the baby to descend down the birth canal with gravity. One of the nurses had never seem a woman give birth in the squatting position. Laying flat on your back is about the worst position you can be in while you are pushing, but women are usually in that position, since they are numbed with pain medication and can't squat even if they wanted to.
From the time that contractions started, Kristina's labor only lasted 7 hours, and less than two of those were in the hospital. We were extremely grateful to have labored mostly at home where she was comfortable. She definitely wouldn't have been sleeping in between contractions if she was in the hospital! God told us exactly when we should go in, just as we prayed. Kristina has nothing but positive things to say about her birth experience. She was so elated after the baby came out, she couldn't stop hugging one of the nurses.
We had hoped that I could catch the baby, but after half her head was out, the rest of her body came out with one push, so I didn't have a chance to prepare to catch her. I was able to cut the cord right away, and they cleaned up our daughter and gave her back to Kristina to nurse. Babies adjust more easily to breastfeeding if they have the chance to feed right after the birth. We had a surprisingly pleasant stay in the hospital for the next two days, and were discharged on Thursday. The only unpleasant thing about the hospital is that you are constantly bombarded with nurses checking on you, but they were all extremely nice. It was great to have the extra help with breastfeeding.
Hannah has jaundice, but that should start going away soon. Otherwise, both Kristina and Hannah are well, and we're elated that Kristina had a natural birth. That was also an informed decision, as we didn't like all of the side effects to epidurals and other forms of intervention. Of course we would have even been willing to have a c-section if there were true complications, but we're convinced that hospitals use a lot of unnecessary intervention.
Ironically, the most difficult part for Kristina was removing the placenta. It was stuck in the uterus, and after trying to get it out for a long time, they were ready to do surgery. However, first they called in another doctor, and she was able to stick her whole hand up into the uterus and pull it out. That was more painful than anytime during the labor!
We are so thankful for all of your prayers, as we know that the birth experience was only great because God answered those prayers. I look forward to sharing more about our daughter in the days ahead.
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June 19th, 2009
11:08 am - Waiting
Waiting is one of the hardest things in life. A few months from now I'll look back and be able to see God's purposes for this season, but when we're in the midst of waiting, we can't always see God's hand. All we can do is trust His heart. Everyday I find myself battling discouragement, as Satan attacks my self worth in these lonely days of waiting. Yet whenever those attacks come, the Holy Spirit nudges me to take those thoughts captive, to think about what is true, and to praise and thank the Lord. It's wonderful and stretching to be in a place where I am thanking God for things that I do not yet see. Even now I have great excitement because I know that I will look back on this waiting period a few months from now and see that God was at work the whole time.
The most encouraging thing about job-searching right now is that I am still managing to apply for jobs at a faster rate than employers are turning me down. :) Just as the career books say, I've been far more successful getting jobs by networking with people I know rather than applying for postings I find online. Thanks to networking, I have two jobs that I could take right now if I wanted to. The only problem is that both of those jobs are on the lower end of the pay scale, and they are both located a half hour away--which is a problem when Kristina is still driving to work. If I still don't have a job after our baby comes, then I'll probably take one of those. It's a little humbling thinking about taking jobs that don't even require a high school degree, since I'm just about finished with a Master's, but it's good for me to remember that I didn't go after a Master's in order to achieve greatness in the eyes of the world. It is but a tool to better serve God. Thus, I leave it to Him to choose how I should use what He has given to me to provide for my family.
Of course, we are not just waiting for a job, but also a baby. Both of us started feeling like our daughter was going to be born before her due date, probably because everyone around us kept saying that Kristina was about to pop and there was no way that she'd make it to July 2. The past couple days we realized that we need to settle down and not keep expecting this baby to come any day. It actually looks more likely that she'll end up being born in July. We have more peace now that we can just wait for the baby to come in God's good timing.
Also, as difficult as it is not to have a job lined up, I'm starting to see God's silver lining in the matter. As I've seen an increasing need to serve Kristina as she struggles with all the pains leading up to the birth, I think in the long run I'll be most thankful NOT to have a job until sometime after this baby is born. It seems that my wife needs me at home right now more than she needs me making money. Even a month ago I wouldn't have thought that, but God knew all along. Circumstances that don't seem the best to us in the present may in fact turn out to be God's best for our lives.
I'm thankful that God doesn't allow everything in life to come easily and quickly. From an emotional standpoint, I want everything to come easily and painlessly. But when I see how God uses trials for so much good in my life, I can be thankful for hardships. I need to keep learning thankfulness in all circumstances.
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June 6th, 2009
08:11 pm - Job Search Update
Two weeks ago I had the opportunity to immediately take a full-time job with a company that puts out road safety signs for construction areas. It would either be a warehouse job or working 15 hour shifts outside. For various reasons, Kristina and I decided to pass it up for the time being. As long as she is still working, we thought we would wait longer to see if I get any of the other jobs I've applied for. If I don't, then I'll be more than happy to go back to that company after the baby is born, and they will probably still have a job for me.
On Thursday I had my first interview for an administrative position in the Marketing department at my school. I don't think the interview could have gone much better. I'd really enjoy the job, and I'm pretty sure that the employer is convinced that I would be a great fit. However, she is interviewing a lot of people, and there is a good chance that I won't get hired because she knows that I'm graduating in a year and can't give her a long-term commitment. I really won't be disappointed if I don't get the job. It was encouraging just to have an interview.
In the meantime, I continue to apply for jobs whenever I can spare the time to search. Even though I've only been denied for one position so far, I've been a little discouraged as I've called up potential employers to follow up on applications I've submitted. Twice they have told me that it will take three months to screen the applications before they even begin interviewing! I really wasn't expecting the process to be so slow. So, I'm learning a lot as I go, mostly staying encouraged in the process, and enjoying how sharp I look when I'm wearing my suit and tie. ;-)
The past two weeks I was able to return to my old job in the Copy Center, and I really appreciated the temporary work. I actually haven't had a lazy day since school ended, since I spend all my extra time helping Kristina. I'm reading and learning how to coach her and help her through labor. She also put me to work in the kitchen, as we thought it was prudent to freeze extra food to eat after our daughter is born. This week I made a 6x batch of Indian Dal (a delicious lentil soup), 20 large burritos, two enchilada casseroles, and meatloaf. After receiving a bunch of free zucchini, we spent this morning making an 8x batch of zucchini bread & muffins. We almost needed an industrial-sized mixer just to stir the batter. :)
Kristina's birthday is tomorrow. We're sort of celebrating a little bit over several days. I was going to take her out for Japanese at lunch, since we discovered on Mother's Day that the restaurant is closed on Sundays, but it turned out that they are also closed on Saturday for lunch. We then drove past three other Japanese restaurants, and all of them were closed between 2 and 5 PM. So, we ended up at Kristina's new favorite restaurant: Chik-fil-A. :) I'll probably still take her to Japanese later. We're signed up for Coldstone's Birthday Club, so we'll get her free sorbet tomorrow. She wants strawberry pie for her birthday dessert, but she won't let me make it for her because she doesn't trust me with the crust, which she has perfected over many years. She really misses cooking anyways. :) Her birthday gift from me is a full-length mirror.
I mentioned that we got a bunch of free zucchini. Somebody in our mobile home park has been getting large quantities of left-over produce from the farmer's market and giving it away. A lot of it is going bad, but that doesn't deter Kristina, who loves nothing better than free food. So far we have ended up with everything that no one else took. We had a large quantity of peaches and used most of the semi-rotten ones for milkshakes. We started making banana milkshakes and realized that we love them, so we've had them almost daily for the past week--a delicious healthy dessert. Naturally Kristina was ecstatic after the doctor recommended eating watermelon to help with her swollen feet. Most of our fridge is literally taken up with fruits and vegetables, which I must say that I've been enjoying immensely. Summer fruits are truly God's candy.
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May 19th, 2009
08:43 pm - The end of one journey; the start of another
Today I presented my scholarly research paper to the faculty and took my final exam in Hebrew, which officially completes the last requirements for this semester. By God's grace, I have now completed 66 of the 75 credits I need to graduate. For the first time in my life, I will have a break from going to school full-time. I haven't even taken a summer off from classes for the past five years. I may not be graduating yet, but this still feels like a pivotal time in my life as I transition to being the father and breadwinner for our family.
I am already aggressively pursuing jobs. I know that it might be a long and grueling process to find something, but I'll be faithful to do my part in searching, and trust God to provide what He knows that we need. Several of my friends are searching for jobs right now, so we can mutually encourage each other in the process. I'm thankful for another opportunity to learn how to trust God more.
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May 17th, 2009
09:19 pm - Baby Stuff
Another semester is quickly winding down. I'm now in the process of looking for a job. I'll be open to just about anything, but I'm starting my search with administrative type jobs. We'll see what doors God opens up.
Kristina is now little more than 6 weeks away from her due date. She is definitely looking very pregnant--and our daughter is moving around constantly. That's a good sign that she's healthy. Indeed, Kristina has done an excellent job caring for our child even before she is born. She has been eating healthy and trying to keep up an exercise routine. She has had relatively little pain, but her discomfort has been increasing lately. Her worst problem is swelling in her feet and hands, which causes carpal tunnel. The problem is manageable, and should go away shortly after the birth.
We have been tremendously blessed by the Lord in terms of baby supplies. Over the past week Kristina had three baby showers, and she has one more coming! She had a large one at our church a week ago, which she described as the most beautiful baby shower she has ever been to. The decorations were amazing. On Tuesday evening her woman's Bible study group put on a shower for her; and on Wednesday we both attended her work baby shower. Next Saturday she'll have a shower with ladies in our mobile home park. We spent most of the day Saturday working on thank you notes!
We've been blessed with an incredible amount of clothing, and also a lot of diapers. (We are going to use both paper and cloth.) Most of the big-ticket items we need we have received for free, and the various baby showers helped pay for two of the only items that we purchased ourselves. We bought a nice Britax car seat that will last her from birth until she no longer rides in a car seat. They have the highest ratings on Consumer Reports for safety. We also purchased an Ergo Baby Carrier, which will allow us to carry our baby around with our hands free. Both of us have weak wrists, so it will be nice to have a way to carry her without arms. Plus, we like the idea of her being so close to us. We'll probably use the carrier far more than a stroller.
We have been attending classes at the hospital to prepare for child birth. We really like the midwife practice at the hospital; and we appreciate how so many of the staff clearly come from a God-centered worldview. Our hospital provides free doula service. We feel a lot more comfortable knowing that someone will be with us constantly to help Kristina through the birth process. The doula will stay by our side regardless of how long labor lasts. The hospital rooms are newly renovated and look beautiful. I'll probably get to cut the umbilical cord and help with our daughter's first bath.
Though we feel confident in the hospital staff, Kristina has been reading as many books as she can about labor and delivery. She really wants a natural birth without an epidural. I know that won't be easy, but she is preparing well, and I trust that God will give her grace for the pain of delivery. We kinda wish that our hospital offered water births like Elizabeth had!
Besides the all-day class we took on labor and delivery, we also attended an infant/child CPR class and most recently a breastfeeding class. We're glad that the hospital really promotes breastfeeding. It's so fascinating learning how God designed breast milk with everything that the child needs to grow healthy and strong. I'm especially looking forward to our class this week, when I'll learn how to care for Sweet Wife and Sweet Daughter after the birth. I'll learn practical things like how to change a diaper and how to bathe the baby.
I'm getting more and more excited about our daughter being born. I try to talk to her a lot so she'll recognize my voice when she comes out. People talk about how much your life changes when a baby comes, but I count it a privilege to lose sleep and change diapers in order to bring a precious life into the world. For now, I get to love my daughter by loving her mommy who is carrying her--which means daily foot rubs! :)
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March 3rd, 2009
01:22 pm - Glory
Last time I posted back in January, I talked about something God had begun working into my heart: a passion to live for His glory -- to make much of Him instead of making much of myself. God keeps bringing up this same theme. This week I am involved in two missions conferences (one at church and one at school), and both are all about God's glory. This is some of what I've been taught the past few days.
What was the purpose of Jesus' death on the cross? Perhaps our most natural response is to say that Jesus died for us -- and how true it is! But there is another side to the cross: Jesus died to give God glory. And it is the purpose of God's glory that takes precedence over the other. I won't write out a long Scriptural defense here, but a few verses to consider are Rom 15:8-9, John 12:27-28, and Phil 2:11.
As John Piper says, "The purpose of Jesus' death was to glorify the Father. To be willing as the Son of God to suffer the loss of so much glory himself in order to repair the injury done to God's glory by our sin showed how infinitely valuable the glory of God is. To be sure, the death of Christ also shows God's love for us. But we are not at the center" (Desiring God, p.236).
Is Christianity about us not going to hell? No -- it is about God receiving maximum glory. How does God receive the most glory possible? God gets greatest glory when He unifies that which is diverse. When He redeems people from every tribe in the world, and brings all of their diversity together in unity to worship Him, He receives the greatest glory.
God's glory leads to our joy. Consider this: In John 11:5-6, we read that Jesus loved Martha and Mary and Lazarus. Therefore, because He loved them, when He heard that Lazarus was sick, He waited until Lazarus died before going to see him.
Doesn't make much sense, does it? But that is exactly what the text says. Why would Jesus stay back when some of His best friends were in pain? Because He knew that He would raise Lazarus from death. Raising Lazarus brought God greater glory than healing him while he was still alive. Because God received greater glory, Mary and Martha experienced even greater joy than they would have had if Jesus had come sooner.
Paul says that to live is Christ and to die is grain (Phil 1:21). But how many of us really believe that dying is gain? We constantly pray for health and healing for ourselves and others--but do we pray for God's greatest glory in our lives, whether it is by life OR by death? Do we welcome pain and trials as a means for God to bring glory to Himself through our lives? His glory is our joy; His satisfaction is our satisfaction.
My life verse is Habakkuk 2:14 -- "The earth will be filled with the knowledge of the glory of the Lord as the waters cover the sea." Glory that is less than global is not worthy of our God. If I am to live to see the fulfillment of this promise, then this must be my prayer:
Lord, do whatever You need to do to me, so that You can do whatever You want to do through me, for the purpose of Your greatest glory.
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January 24th, 2009
11:30 am - Don't Waste Your Life
Recently I was browsing through John Piper's website and came across a book that I really want to read: Don't Waste Your Life. Since it relates to my post yesterday, I thought I would mention it, even though I haven't read it yet. The whole book is available to download.
The resource stood out to me because of the description: "God calls us, not to be made much of, but to make much of him in every part of our lives." It sounds like this book might have been the inspiration behind one of my all-time favorite songs: Much of You by Steven Curtis Chapman. The bridge of that song says, "This is Your love, O God: Not to make much of me, but to send Your own Son so that we could make much of You through all eternity." I realize how easily I fall into living my life to make much of myself. But when I live for myself, I end up feeling empty. I think everyone who lives for themselves will realize how empty they are eventually. This is because God didn't design us to be satisfied living for yourselves--we can only find true satisfaction in living for Him. Dying to ourselves (i.e. "taking up our cross") is a painful process, but nothing brings greater joy and life and satisfaction. So I constantly pray the prayer of that song: that this very day I will live to make much of Jesus.
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January 23rd, 2009
09:56 am - Remembering My Life Purpose
I was reminded the other day of one of the reasons why I want to become a missionary. I've known for a long time that there are about 600 churches around Columbia, but I never thought of the implications of that number. That means that there is one church for every 200 people in this city. I know that Columbia is also full of dead churches and dead "Christians," but it's still astounding to consider. Missionary friends of mine in Turkey just moved to a city that is larger than Columbia, but has no churches at all. And that's just the tip of the iceberg. The Shaikh people of Bangladesh, for instance, are 0% Christian--and their population is almost half of the population of the entire United States!
I don't mean to downplay the great need in America. I wish every city in this country had one alive church for every 200 people in the population. But I still know that I live in a country that is so saturated with Bible teachers that I would struggle to get a job at a Christian college, even after five years in Bible College and Seminary. Meanwhile hundreds of millions of people haven't even had the opportunity to hear John 3:16 in their heart language. When I'm at my school's library, I often struggle emotionally. I'm not sure if I should feel blessed because we have so many Christian books, or else feel sick because we have so much while most of the world has so little.
To tell you the truth, I've never really wanted to be a missionary that badly. I'm not adventurous; I don't even like to travel that much. But my heart aches for people who suffer and who don't know the Lord. Going to the mission field never feels like something I can handle, but I at least have to try, for my heart compels me to go. Such impulses can only come from the One who lives inside my heart. I will let my Shepherd lead me on.
Talking about the lost can be depressing. When I was in Turkey, surrounded by millions who don't know the Lord, God spoke to my heart. He showed me that I was too focused on what Satan was doing. Instead, I needed to focus on what God was doing, and to join Him in that work. I began to see that hundreds of people in Turkey were hungry for God's Word. I met Turks who saw Jesus in their dreams; who wept when they viewed the story on the Jesus Film; who received physical healing and deliverance from demons; who found a life of peace and meaning in Christ that surpassed anything Islam had to offer. As I witnessed the mighty work of God, I became convinced that Turkey would in fact be filled with God's glory. In fact, I am convinced that the entire earth will be filled with the knowledge of the glory of the Lord, as the waters cover the seas (Habakkuk 2:14). Even if I never become a missionary, I will live my life with the vision to see that promise fulfilled.
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January 16th, 2009
07:07 am - He Does All Things Well
When I was spending so many hours flying on airplanes in the past weeks, it often struck me how privileged we are in this day and age. Only a hundred years ago, man had only dreamed of seeing the magnificent views of God's creation that I was privileged to see as I flew thousands of feet above the ground. And for all the generations that babies have been born, only in the past few decades have we had the privilege of looking at our babies before they are born.
Kristina had her first doctors appointment a little over a week ago. We weren't expecting them to do an ultrasound, so I didn't come along, but they offered to do one for her for free. She saw our little baby - 5 inches long - flipping over, waving its arms, and even sucking its thumb. She heard the rapid beat of the baby's heart. I can't wait to see the next ultrasound. Even just hearing about it fills my heart with wonder. Ultrasounds must be God's grace in an age when abortions are so rampant. Who could possibly deny that there is a real human being in the mother's womb after seeing an ultrasound? Our baby's heart began beating only 18 days after conception. I can't begin to fathom God's wisdom in the wonderful work of His hands: from the tall and mighty mountains to the small and intricate baby in a mother's womb. He does all things well!
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January 13th, 2009
12:26 pm - Lessons from 2008
I began 2008 with great expectations for what God would do in my life and in the lives of others I know. Some of my expectations were fulfilled--others were not, but I'm not too disappointed. If all of my expectations were fulfilled, I would worry that I was only asking God for things that I could accomplish on my own. When I expect things that are impossible, then I must wait for God to move in His timing. So I will keep waiting.
I was more in love with Jesus at the end of 2008 than I was at the beginning--this is one of my expectations that God helped me to fulfill in a wonderful way. Every semester I am burned out at the end. Last semester was the busiest I have ever had, yet I was more alive in the Lord at the end than ever before. In my pride, I've always struggled to keep my priorities straight (#1 God, #2 family, #3 work/ministry). I often allow #3 to crowd out #1 and #2. A couple guys kept me accountable to my priorities this semester, and it made the biggest impact in my life. I learned a great deal about living in grace and peace. I learned how to say No to many things. Stress didn't disappear--it never will. But I am slowly learning how to have peace in the Lord in the midst of stress.
As I spent more time with the Lord, it didn't immediately seem to make a difference in my life. But even when God's Word wasn't speaking directly to anything in my life, I discovered (over a long period of time) that the Holy Spirit was working in the background in ways I couldn't see. He changes us from the inside out when we spend time with Him in the Word. Since 2004, when I faced my worst burn-out and depression, I have not felt that I have had any real life to give to other people. By the end of 2008, I began finding that I had life to share with people, and talking about the Lord wasn't a matter of striving and fretting. It's something that flowed out of who I was. This year I hope to better understand this great mystery of "abiding in Christ."
In 2008 my identity in Christ became much more real to me. Since I was a teenager I've struggled with lack of self-confidence and a poor self-image. Over the past year I spent a great deal of time reading Ephesians 1 about our identity in Christ. Almost all of the time I could feel nothing emotionally from the passage. In fact, Ephesians actually seemed dull and boring. But again, I think the Holy Spirit is working behind the scenes. As a result, I am becoming a more confident and mature man of God.
I seek so much to serve my wife, I end up hurting her by not spending enough time taking care of myself. I still don't know how to rest--I don't even know what rest is. So I keep seeking God on that matter, especially since this could be the most hectic year ever, with a baby on the way and an even more daunting work schedule. I worry a lot still. But I have tasted the sweetness of God's peace, and it is the coolest refreshment to my soul.
Now I know that I still need to post about the bare facts of Christmas, but today I was feeling introspective. Having my wisdom teeth taken out last Thursday forced me to slow down almost to a halt, and that is never such a bad thing, even in spite of the pain. Time to think and reflect is hard to come by in our busy lives.
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November 2nd, 2008
11:47 pm - 2nd Anniversary
It's hard to believe that two years have passed since many of you gathered with us in northern California to celebrate our wedding. Though our actual anniversary is November 4, Kristina and I just returned from a trip to NC and TN to celebrate our covenant of love. We planned this trip months ago, even though I knew that it might be difficult for me to take off during my busiest semester ever. I'm so glad that we decided to go, as it was one of the most refreshing times of our marriage.
We departed Thursday morning, heading into North Carolina. We first visited Chimney Rock. We had previously seen the park in the winter and summer, but we thought it would look spectacular during the fall. Unfortunately, we were a week or two short of peak fall colors, but the view remains breathtaking.
From Chimney Rock, we took a quick stop at Linville Cavern, where we had a guided tour of the cave. Kristina used to work as a tour guide in a cave in Oregon, but she thought this cave was more spectacular. It was certainly another God-made wonder. I was fascinated by the "bottomless pool" in the cave. Even with a weighted 250-foot cable, they have yet to hit the bottom of the pool! They turned off the lights at one point so we could experience pitch-black darkness.
From the Cavern, we traveled another hour north to our final destination, just across the Tennessee border: Fairhaven Ministries. We heard about Fairhaven from some friends at school. It is a Christian retreat center designed to be a place of rest for full-time Christian workers. Since we are heading into missionary service, we only had to pay $50/night for our own chalet. We both felt like the place was worth $200. As you can see from the photos (1 - 2 - 3 - 4), the chalet is absolutely gorgeous. Since it has a full kitchen, we never had to eat out during the whole trip. Plus, the view was amazing, especially with all of the fall colors. When we walked around the property later, we thought our chalet had the best view compared to all the others, since we were situated high on a hill. To top it off, we were off the beaten path, so it was very quiet. The whole place was so bathed in prayer and Christian love, I could feel God's presence there. I can hardly think of a more peaceful place on earth.
On Friday we slept in and spent the day around the premises. Just outside our chalet we found a huge apple tree that was loaded with delicious apples. All day apples were falling off the tree and going to waste. Since the staff had their fill of apples from all the trees around the property, we were able to pick as many apples as we wanted. We had planned on visiting an apple orchard during our trip anyways, so naturally Kristina was elated. She climbed the tree, and we filled every bag we had. We must have come home with $75 worth of apples. Kristina has big plans for all those apples. They won't be going to waste!
Along with hiking the trails around our chalet, on Friday we ran into an elderly pastor and his wife who were vacationing at Fairhaven. I enjoyed hearing about this pastor's experience in the ministry. Interestingly, his number one advice to us was to make sure that we always take time to rest, as ministry can be one of the most demanding jobs out there. He also warned me about the danger of allowing the demands of ministry to come before the needs of my wife and family--he spoke from personal experience as a workaholic. I can be a workaholic myself, so I take his advice seriously. We were grateful for his admonition on resting, since Kristina and I both can struggle with feeling guilty when we rest.
I had planned Saturday to be a full day of tourist activities around the Smokey Mountains, but after consulting with God, we realized that we needed to stay at Fairhaven and rest some more. We spent much of that day reading. Each chalet has a wonderful library of Christian books. Though I won't go into the details here, God did some work in both of our hearts. I decided to do something I don't think I've done since I was in 9th grade: read a fictional novel (C. S. Lewis' Prince Caspian). Seminary requires massive amounts of reading, but most of what I read is so technical--theologies and commentaries and the like. Reading just for pleasure was incredibly relaxing. We enjoyed it so much, we spent Sunday morning doing the same thing.
We decided to take the long route home and check out part of the famous Blue Ridge Parkway. We witnessed peak fall colors all around us. Photos really don't do it justice.
I feel like I keep falling more and more in love with my wife all the time. Kristina and I try to live frugally, but we both agree that the money we spend on dates and trips reaps priceless dividends in our lives and marriage. Now we are refreshed and hopefully ready to face the last six weeks of the semester!
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October 23rd, 2008
08:51 am - Too good to be true?
When I think of all that I’ve longed for at different times in my life, I realize how all the longings of my heart have been met in Christ.
When I was a shy child, I longed to be noticed and chosen by others as a friend. God chose me before I was even born (Eph 1:4).
I have longed to be loved. God loved me even while I was still a sinner and had no love for Him in my heart (Rom 5:8, Eph 1:4).
I have longed to be somebody in the world, to have fame and status. God has fully adopted me as a son into His royal family (Eph 1:5).
I have longed to be free from besetting sins in my life—sins that seemed to control me. Jesus’ blood has ransomed me from death and granted me all of the victory I will ever need over sin. I am forgiven, no strings attached (Eph 1:7).
I have longed to obtain great knowledge and excel above the rest in my studies. God has made known to me the mystery of His will. I am truly “in the know” (Eph 1:9).
I have longed after the enticements of worldly wealth. God is giving me an inheritance that makes me far more wealthy than Bill Gates (Eph 1:11) – and has even given me a down-payment already (Eph 1:13-14)
It was God’s will, according to His kind intentions, to bless me and give me an identity that fulfills every longing of my heart. The more I realize how much I’ve been given, the more I wonder why I ever seek after the things of this world. What peace and joy I have often forfeited by my selfish pursuits!
The more I realize what God has freely given, the more I want to love Him and serve Him with my whole life—and the more I want to share with you what my Savior has done. The “Good News” is not too good to be true – it is better than we could ever imagine.
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wakeman's journal
